Late-Night Comics Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Visa Scheme

Late-night's leading comedians used their airtime ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's recently launched visa program, dubbed the "golden visa," characterizing it as a clear pay-for-access system for the rich.

Colbert's Sarcastic Spin

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert presented a mock holiday song about the president. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, before handing that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "The President ... ruins everything he handles."

The subject was the controversial plan which enables foreign individuals to purchase U.S. residence for the price of one million dollars, or "premium" tier for $5 million. The program's website pledges approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief note for you to wealthy immigrants: prior to you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He noted that the card is also intended to "extract cash" from firms wishing to hire foreign workers, requiring significant fees. "That's a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you also get two free nights at a property of your choice – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"The best background check the government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants absolutely qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will let rich international individuals to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel mocked the lack of detail of the form, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Exactly, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Struggles

On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's slipping approval ratings during economic concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a effort to tackle affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, where he behaved peculiarly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing conservative media arguments of Trump's economic record. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he joked.