This Drifting Poo Was Far Too Symbolic! These Are the TV Disappointments of the Past Year.
Looking back, we consider the television offerings of the past year, a handful of shows emerge not for their brilliance, but for their spectacular failures. From cringe-inducing spin-offs to confusingly poor docuseries, here are the programmes that left us utterly bewildered or just reaching for the remote.
The 'Sex and the City' Sequel
Where to begin with this love/hate spin-off? Burdened with dreadful writing, painful arcs (we demand better for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the series struggled to justify its existence. For a moment, as the final season began, it looked like it had finally found its groove. Then arrived an installment all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the showrunner declared this would be the last season. It concluded on a low point; the closeup of Miranda’s loo flooded with poo was just way too symbolic. Still, viewers certainly found joy dissecting every single “what on earth?” episode. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – danced around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a small sob?
The Kim Kardashian Drama
‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? The answer is a resounding no.’
But that was almost the least of this show's issues. The recipient of a very rare zero star review, it was hard to know where to begin listing the problems. The hilariously leaden writing? The tedious veneration of wealth and consumption? The seemingly wilful parade of tropes? Acting so poor they felt almost malicious? Let’s just say “all of the above” and never speak of this show again. However, a new season has been ordered, so we’re probably going to have to.
The Charlie Sheen Documentary
Given the legal troubles, abuse allegations and parental shortcomings, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not that you’d truly have gleaned it from this three-part docuseries which smirked its way at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless excess while struggling to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Instead, it felt as if this volatile personality was being indulged, so any pity this show might induce should be saved for the people who have had to suffer close contact with this charismatic but flippant egotist.
The Iris Affair
Of course we understood it was preposterous from the get-go: a thriller about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or destroy all of humanity. We persevered out of pure admiration for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One scarcely reacted when his character died, and the other ended up hacking Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.
MobLand
Dodgy characters meeting in empty boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its gangland drama back.
Actually, that is harsh on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many look a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t endure the ignominy of having to indulge unconvincing accents. But there were many other issues. Primarily that it was just really boring; a conflict over narcotics territory between various cockney picaresques which felt rather simplistic.
The Meghan Markle Series
Given the degree to which she provokes the ire of certain performatively angry commentators, it’s almost easy to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s televised ventures into twee lifestyle as intentional provocations. But then you view them and are forced to concede that in this case, they might have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle magazine come to life; a poster for evening drinks with delusions of grandeur; a procession of snoozing dogs, buzzing beehives, sentimental sayings and pointless crafting “tips” you’ll not remember instantly. All underpinned by immense, largely unearned wealth. Ugh.
The Beckham Documentary
There are obviously fascinating things to be said about both Victoria Beckham and her struggles with career, identity, self-worth. But for some reason, this three-part series opted not to explore them. Rather, the viewing was like consuming a sales brochure. She obviously has good reason to resent what she describes as her “stern” image. But unfortunately, she failed to do herself any favours with this cagey letdown of a series.
The Game Show
It had the potential to be the next cultural phenomenon – except even camper, with a famous star playing dead and a well-known personality overseeing her inheritance. What more could you want? As contestants battled it out, there was plenty of backstabbing and arguing. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s even now too complicated to detail what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw brief appearances of the star via filmed videos. The show ended up smelling of a production that was trying way too hard to emulate something far greater than it.
The Lena Dunham Romcom
How does one succeed a show that captured a generation? The expectation was immense for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who arrives in London with a shattered romance. The star took her biggest role by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very slick and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the abundance of famous cameos involved felt icky.
The Sketch Show Return
Not even good enough to be ‘uneven’.
Given the shrewd inclusion of gifted younger comics, hopes were high. But unhappily, most of it fell flat. A recurring sketch was a single joke stretched to a husk but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a familiar irate mode. The writing room sketches, meanwhile, simply inspired the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.
The Knox Dramatisation
This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely showcased the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an interesting drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The subject matter needed to be treated sensitively. Rather, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right tone, lurching from oddly jaunty, somewhat mannered farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Complex? Perhaps. A complete mess? Very much so.
The Maths Genius Thriller
We admire the lead actor … but did we buy him playing the greatest maths genius since, a man so smart he’s on the verge of a discovery that could ruin society? Nope! This international thriller about secret services spying on – and eliminating – intellectuals honestly got more farcical by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.
1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story
This hagiography followed the content creator renowned for sexual exploits as she undertook her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would possess her? What we wanted was way more interrogation of her true psychology, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have spoken to the legendary mum who appeared to haul her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific imagery and zero critical analysis of her notoriety whatsoever. And to think, the filmmaker has a young daughter too.